The One with the Craft Fair in Hell
So last weekend, I tried something new. And I learned a LOT. I learned just how hot 100 degrees really is. I learned that folks in Atchison, KS prefer Nascar pillows and popcorn blouses (don't ask) to my stuff. I learned that my precise breaking point is at 5 p.m., after sweating all day and selling virtually nothing, ripping my jean skirt while heaving a huge tent into the back of my Jeep, being somehow lost in this tiny god-forsaken hot-plate of a town, the air conditioner finally starts working and my freakin' window won't go up. When I stop and get out to manually force it up, it's so hot it burns the palms of my hands. Do I break down and cry? Oh no. I curse like a sailor, grab some damn paper towels and wrestle that window all the way up, providing quality entertainment to the group standing around watching me. THANKS FOR THE HELP, by the way.
Thank goodness I had my new friend Jill there. She saved my sanity. Plus her mom brought us hand-held, battery-operated fans. But for those fans, you would be coming to my funeral after I had a heat stroke and died right there at the Amelia Earhart Festival. Amid the 60 year-old women in tube tops.
Oh, I know you think you see some crazy stuff out there in So. Cal. But it is ONLY in the Midwest that you will see a grandma in a handmade halter top, constructed from an old green sweatshirt and held onto her leathery body with but a thin string across her back [hold on while I throw up a little bit at the mere memory], sprinting BACK to the Nascar pillow booth to snatch up the other tin man ... that's right, a tin man made out of soup and Folgers cans. You know, she HAD to run in case one of the other 5 people at the fair wanted to buy it.
I was bitter for a day. But then I got over my heat exhaustion and looked on the bright side: if I could make it through the Amelia Earhart Festival in July, I can make it through ANY craft fair ...
... but I think I'll stick to the Internet for a while. At least until fall when the craft fairs move inside to the world of electricity.
Thank goodness I had my new friend Jill there. She saved my sanity. Plus her mom brought us hand-held, battery-operated fans. But for those fans, you would be coming to my funeral after I had a heat stroke and died right there at the Amelia Earhart Festival. Amid the 60 year-old women in tube tops.
Oh, I know you think you see some crazy stuff out there in So. Cal. But it is ONLY in the Midwest that you will see a grandma in a handmade halter top, constructed from an old green sweatshirt and held onto her leathery body with but a thin string across her back [hold on while I throw up a little bit at the mere memory], sprinting BACK to the Nascar pillow booth to snatch up the other tin man ... that's right, a tin man made out of soup and Folgers cans. You know, she HAD to run in case one of the other 5 people at the fair wanted to buy it.
I was bitter for a day. But then I got over my heat exhaustion and looked on the bright side: if I could make it through the Amelia Earhart Festival in July, I can make it through ANY craft fair ...
... but I think I'll stick to the Internet for a while. At least until fall when the craft fairs move inside to the world of electricity.
posted by Monica at
9:31 PM
2 Comments:
I know I'm a bad friend, but I just keep coming back to: grandma in a tube top? Really? Please tell me that your mom wasn't there to get any fashion ideas... :)
That sounds awful. I'm pretty sure I would have broke down and cried while cursing like a sailor and wrestling the window all the way to the top. I'm so sorry.
At least you found a silver lining... But the internet sounds much nicer. What have we learned from this? Don't go venturing out into small Kansas towns. You'll never be happy with what you find.
By
Rachel, at 2:14 PM
Now that is one thing mom has not tried ... the tube top! Thank God! The tube top is reserved for that rare girl between the ages of 16 and 21 who can pull it off. I sure the heck never could.
It was actually pretty funny, looking back on it. I signed up for this fair to just get an idea of what they were like and see if it would be something I wanted to do in the future. I should've done a little more research!
By
Monica, at 9:44 PM
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