The One with the Adoption
Well, everyone will probably think I'm crazy, but here goes ... I want to adopt an African baby. I realize that most people who adopt are unable to have their own children for one reason or another ... single, infertile, gay, etc. As we all know, Chandler and I appear to be perfectly fertile. So to explain my need to adopt is difficult. It seems to me that there are these hundreds of thousands of beautiful babies in the world that need homes, and an equal number of people who want to provide a loving, nurturing environment. So why do people have this obsession with creating their own little people? Why not just love one of these motherless children? I guess I have no room to talk about this, since I have never wanted a child and not been able to have one (works the other way around over here folks). But it just seems a little vain to me, to HAVE to create a baby that has your own genes? Anyway, I didn't start this thing to piss a bunch of people off ... so we'll just move right along.
Another thing I am very interested in is transracial or transcultural families and adoptions. I suppose I just think: I'm already adding a totally new, non-blood-related person into the fam, so why not make it interesting? Why not learn more about another culture, why not make David blind to skin color by having a sibling from a different culture? Besides, there are tons of white families who have the money to adopt white babies. These are not the babies who have the most need.
So yesterday I hopped on the net for a little while and was checking out this site ... http://www.live8live.com/ ... about fighting poverty in Africa. If you watch the video about the toddlers in Africa living on the street (one little girl was two and couldn't walk yet b/c rats had chewed on her little toes), maybe you'll understand my new craving. No child should have to live that way. So maybe this is how I could make a difference. Just a change in one child's life, but it wouldn't be a little change, like sending $25 or a box of clothes. It would be monumental.
Of course, there are lots of obstacles, money being just one of them. But I'm going to work on understanding more about transcultural families, raising one adopted child and one non-adopted child together, what kind of support network both children would need, especially one transplanted from his culture and heritage, etc. (Not to mention that some members of both of our families would not be very open to this ides ...) Also for some reason taking on the needs of my own child was scary, but taking on the needs of someone else's seems much scarier. I'm not sure why that is. Anyway, just thought I'd share what was on my heart this weekend. (Geez, do I sound like Mon or what? ;)
Another thing I am very interested in is transracial or transcultural families and adoptions. I suppose I just think: I'm already adding a totally new, non-blood-related person into the fam, so why not make it interesting? Why not learn more about another culture, why not make David blind to skin color by having a sibling from a different culture? Besides, there are tons of white families who have the money to adopt white babies. These are not the babies who have the most need.
So yesterday I hopped on the net for a little while and was checking out this site ... http://www.live8live.com/ ... about fighting poverty in Africa. If you watch the video about the toddlers in Africa living on the street (one little girl was two and couldn't walk yet b/c rats had chewed on her little toes), maybe you'll understand my new craving. No child should have to live that way. So maybe this is how I could make a difference. Just a change in one child's life, but it wouldn't be a little change, like sending $25 or a box of clothes. It would be monumental.
Of course, there are lots of obstacles, money being just one of them. But I'm going to work on understanding more about transcultural families, raising one adopted child and one non-adopted child together, what kind of support network both children would need, especially one transplanted from his culture and heritage, etc. (Not to mention that some members of both of our families would not be very open to this ides ...) Also for some reason taking on the needs of my own child was scary, but taking on the needs of someone else's seems much scarier. I'm not sure why that is. Anyway, just thought I'd share what was on my heart this weekend. (Geez, do I sound like Mon or what? ;)
posted by Monica at
12:20 PM
4 Comments:
First, two mean comments and then a serious one.
1. Clearly, you and Chandler aren't that fertile if two years of unprotected procreation don't result in a kid. :)
2. I think from the first line of this blog, anyone could see it wasn't written by me. :)
And now for the seriousness, I think that's a wonderful idea. It's like buying a purebred dog from a breeder when there are millions of perfectly good mutts in line to get euthanized at the shelter. Why?
Because when you are adopting a purebreed puppy, you can research bloodlines, how long relatives have lived and genetic diseases that have been passed to the dog. You can predict its temperment and how long it's going to live, roughly. You know you're getting a dog with a clean slate that you can raise the way you want. Adopting a mixed breed at a pound can leave you with a dog who bites you, lunges at strangers and tries to attack your best friend's two-year-old son. It's a gamble.
I know I relate everything to dogs, but hear me out. This fits. Last night, I was watching Sea Biscuit, and the last line of the movie is "Everyone thinks we took this beat-down horse and fixed him, but really, he fixed us." I realized that the biggest challeges produce the most wonderful rewards. What Muggsy has given me will never be replaced. I could never have accomplished what I have and learned what I have from a perfectly bred Labrador or something. It has been so hard, worrying about him, being afraid to take him places, fighting with my family about him, fearing that I won't be able to keep him, constantly beating myself up for not giving him the perfect life. But this afternoon, when I went to put medicene on his back -- which he hates and always bears his teeth at me for -- after having spent a half hour in a muzzle doing Door! at the scary vet, he bent his head down and allowed me to put the medicene on his back with no fuss. That small victory meant everything in the world to me.
My point is this: Whatever you decide to do will have wonderful rewards. Having your own children, I can imagine, is amazing and fulfilling. But giving someone who wouldn't have had a chance without you a second shot will be amazing in its own special way. It will be very hard, breaking down the communication barrier, dealing with prejudice, getting past issues that have been created before you even had a chance to meet this child, but without those challenges, you can't experience the amazing rewards that follow.
Just my two cents. I don't want kids, so I'm clearly not the authority. But I think this is incredible and noble and I would support you 100 percent.
By
Rachel, at 4:33 PM
Alright, first to rebut the funny comments and then on to serious stuff ... I didn't say we are totally unprotected, we did learn SOMETHING from that first go around!
This is why you are my best friend, b/c even if it's something that you would never be interested in yourself, you still support me, you still relate to me. That's what makes our friendship great. The quote from Seabiscuit is perfect. I think our little family has so much love to give, but I'm sure the things we would learn about ourselves and the changes that would be made in our perspectives would be incredible. Also, the thing about kids or pets or even being in love, is that you stop worrying so much about yourself and you start focusing on nurturing someone else. That's bound to make a better person out of you!
Not like it will happen tomorrow, but it's something to look forward to ... along with that house in the country, near the beach and a big city, with a tree-lined drive and a bunch of animals in the yard. :)
By
Monica, at 9:21 AM
You should move to Cali. Then we can raise our adopted mixed breeds together. But not in the same room, since my mixed breed hates children. :)
By
Rachel, at 9:35 AM
Okay, Monica, you know that you will always have my full support no matter what you do. But...amen to what Rachel says. I have spent a lot of time with kids who have been adopted out of terrible circumstances into wonderful loving families. Sometimes love isn't enough. No, that's not true - sometimes normal human love isn't enough. It takes extraordinary gift-from-God kind of love. Not just from you, but from Chandler and David, too. Do you all have what it takes? Only you can answer that. Like I said, you have my utmost support and I'll be there whenever you need me.
By
Diana, at 1:47 PM
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