The One With Baltimore
Today, I decided I wasn't going to buy a catallitic convertor for my car, which I have never really liked. So I bought a new car. I really shouldn't have because I was trying to save money, but I don't like my car and didn't want to spend a lot of money on it. So I bought a 2004 Honda Pilot, an SUV for those who don't know cars that well. It seats eight, which will be perfect for long travels with my dogs. In case you haven't noticed a theme lately, I'm making a lot of big changes for my dogs.
I named the car Baltimore. I have named all of my cars. The first, as you all know, was my baby, my 1978 Oldsmobile, Troi, named after Troy Aikman, but she's a girl, thus the I. Then there was the 2000 Nissan Sentra, Maria, named after the reference in Counting Crow's songs, which refers not to a person but a part of Adam Duritz's mind that gives him his creativity. I named her that because I was taking my dream job and needed a reliable car -- and more creativity. Now, I have my Pilot, Baltimore. This is a long story, as far as car names go, I think. Driving to my dog lessons this morning, thinking about buying a new car, I was listening to August and Everything After as I always do when I'm depressed. I've been in the middle of one of my depression cycles, and that CD is the epitome of what my depression feels like. "Raining in Baltimore" can perfectly describe how I was feeling this morning, and one line says, "Maybe I should buy a new car." Every time I get in a depression cycle, which happens every two years, I've noticed I make a life change: at 17, I moved away; at 19, I ended a very long relationship; at 21, I moved away; at 23, I moved away. Now, I can't move, and I don't want to end my relationship, so I bought a new car, very fittingly named Baltimore.
My day didn't help much. I saw a dog so aggressive he's probably going to have to be put down. Every time I see that happen it makes my stomach drop because I'm so afraid of having that happen to my own dog. My boss is on the heels of the one anniversary of the time she had to put her own aggressor down, and this probably isn't good for her right now, either. It was a hard day for us both. But it helped me see all the differences between this dog and Muggsy. For example, this dog locked in on my boss and never checked in with his owner. Muggsy checks in with me and increases his distance if possible. He turns his back to what is upsetting him to calm down. All of these are good signs. (We later saw a dog who did some of this and seemed much more re-hab-able, thankfully for both of our mental healths.) Also, there has been no improvement with this dog after three lessons, though my boss has continued to show herself as non-threatening. And this dog habituates. He gets used to situations that stress him out and becomes more aggressive as a response. Once Muggsy grows accustomed to a situation or person, he warms up, as can be seen through his relationship with Robby's parents.
So this leads me into yesterday's diary entry:
Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 13
May 27, 2005
I don't think Muggsy has attacked Chubbs since I started this entries. That's excellent, considering it used to happen every two or three days. He's much more relaxed with his "own bedroom." He's also gone a week without aggressing toward Robby. I started letting him sleep outside the crate again, so we'll see if this changes his behavior.
Last night, we worked with the muzzle some more. He kept it on for about five minutes, a record, and we went around the house in it, so he can get used to being places other than the bedroom. Soon, I will take him outside with it on and so on. I need to be ready for the vet mid-July. That's my goal.
I went beyond his stress threshhold in the Door! activity. I held the leash while he stood behind the door that completely entrapped him. He looked like he was about to blow up and lash out on me -- he stopped taking treats and gave me The Look -- but he chose not to. I let him out after a couple minutes to lots of lovings and treats. Tonight will be important because he has to get back in the situation and still be able to do it. Poor baby. I hate working with him, but he needs to be ready. Soon he will have to do it with the muzzle, then with the muzzle and my boss there, then at the vet as practice, then at the vet for real. We'll get to the bottom of his stress issues, though, and then he'll be much happier.
I guess this has been enough. Happy Holiday Weekend to all.
I named the car Baltimore. I have named all of my cars. The first, as you all know, was my baby, my 1978 Oldsmobile, Troi, named after Troy Aikman, but she's a girl, thus the I. Then there was the 2000 Nissan Sentra, Maria, named after the reference in Counting Crow's songs, which refers not to a person but a part of Adam Duritz's mind that gives him his creativity. I named her that because I was taking my dream job and needed a reliable car -- and more creativity. Now, I have my Pilot, Baltimore. This is a long story, as far as car names go, I think. Driving to my dog lessons this morning, thinking about buying a new car, I was listening to August and Everything After as I always do when I'm depressed. I've been in the middle of one of my depression cycles, and that CD is the epitome of what my depression feels like. "Raining in Baltimore" can perfectly describe how I was feeling this morning, and one line says, "Maybe I should buy a new car." Every time I get in a depression cycle, which happens every two years, I've noticed I make a life change: at 17, I moved away; at 19, I ended a very long relationship; at 21, I moved away; at 23, I moved away. Now, I can't move, and I don't want to end my relationship, so I bought a new car, very fittingly named Baltimore.
My day didn't help much. I saw a dog so aggressive he's probably going to have to be put down. Every time I see that happen it makes my stomach drop because I'm so afraid of having that happen to my own dog. My boss is on the heels of the one anniversary of the time she had to put her own aggressor down, and this probably isn't good for her right now, either. It was a hard day for us both. But it helped me see all the differences between this dog and Muggsy. For example, this dog locked in on my boss and never checked in with his owner. Muggsy checks in with me and increases his distance if possible. He turns his back to what is upsetting him to calm down. All of these are good signs. (We later saw a dog who did some of this and seemed much more re-hab-able, thankfully for both of our mental healths.) Also, there has been no improvement with this dog after three lessons, though my boss has continued to show herself as non-threatening. And this dog habituates. He gets used to situations that stress him out and becomes more aggressive as a response. Once Muggsy grows accustomed to a situation or person, he warms up, as can be seen through his relationship with Robby's parents.
So this leads me into yesterday's diary entry:
Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 13
May 27, 2005
I don't think Muggsy has attacked Chubbs since I started this entries. That's excellent, considering it used to happen every two or three days. He's much more relaxed with his "own bedroom." He's also gone a week without aggressing toward Robby. I started letting him sleep outside the crate again, so we'll see if this changes his behavior.
Last night, we worked with the muzzle some more. He kept it on for about five minutes, a record, and we went around the house in it, so he can get used to being places other than the bedroom. Soon, I will take him outside with it on and so on. I need to be ready for the vet mid-July. That's my goal.
I went beyond his stress threshhold in the Door! activity. I held the leash while he stood behind the door that completely entrapped him. He looked like he was about to blow up and lash out on me -- he stopped taking treats and gave me The Look -- but he chose not to. I let him out after a couple minutes to lots of lovings and treats. Tonight will be important because he has to get back in the situation and still be able to do it. Poor baby. I hate working with him, but he needs to be ready. Soon he will have to do it with the muzzle, then with the muzzle and my boss there, then at the vet as practice, then at the vet for real. We'll get to the bottom of his stress issues, though, and then he'll be much happier.
I guess this has been enough. Happy Holiday Weekend to all.
posted by Anonymous at
8:15 PM
3 Comments:
That was the question I forgot to ask you last night, but thought of later - what is the name of the new car?! I hope Baltimore gives you as much joy as did Troi, who is still a legend among many KU alumni, and of course, among the alumni of your high school. I admire your thinking in recognizing that there are cycles to your depression. The more you know about it, the better you can deal with it. Also...Mugsy is doing so well! Getting him to wear a muzzle for 5 minutes is a great accomplishment. Give him a big hug for me!
By
Diana, at 4:50 AM
Congratulations on the new car!!! You know I don't have the big depression cycles like you do, but when I get depressed I usually go shopping. Usually I can't afford it either. But why do we make moeny if we can't spend it on things we enjoy? Maybe it's just that doing something for yourself makes you feel good! Can't wait to see it.
By
Monica, at 4:01 PM
Oh, also, quitting the job I hated helped with my depression A LOT! :) Look forward to the day when you can say ... hey la-dy! BITE ME!
By
Monica, at 4:04 PM
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