The One With the Guilt
Again, I'm so silly. That job that requested my clips asked me for a job interview today, before I had even sent in the clips, and instead of respectfully declining because of the pay cut and increased commute -- both very valid reasons -- I scheduled an interview. I always hate to do things I consider negative when talking to someone. I just want to e-mail. Confrontations are not my specialty. Then, tonight, I sent her a very nice e-mail removing myself from the interview pool for the reasons I just mentioned. And I felt terrible. Really terrible. To the point that I was just ready to crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. I just wish I could be more assertive in those situations. And taking constant criticism from Joanna on how I deal with people -- more of that tonight at my anniversary dinner -- is not helping my confidence. Now I completely overanalyze every social interaction I have.
She spent the first three months that Mark and I worked there telling us how we couldn't trust anyone and shouldn't make any friends, and now she's telling me that those first few months were critical and I wasn't friendly enough. She tells me that I should make more of an effort to be friends with my colleagues. But in the last year, I've become fine with not having friends at work and honestly don't know that I want to be friends with anyone I work with except maybe a couple of girls who I do regularly talk to.
Anyway, I turned down the job interview ultimately because I want to wait for the right situation, even if it means staying at a job I don't like. Now on to a more fun topic...
Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 30
June 15, 2005
Muggsy is not thrilled with training. He doesn't want to go back in the training room anymore, so I have to lead him in. But I have been gently forceful with the muzzle and getting it on pretty quickly. He will sit nicely behind the door, but he backs into the corner and sits. I'm not exactly sure how that's going to be fixed at the vet. He'll probably just have to be handled, which isn't the best. But I'm not sure I'll have a good stand command on him yet. I left the muzzle on for several minutes and took him outside for a brisk quick jog, one of his favorite things that I never do because I hate jogging, while he still had it on. Then I brought him in and gave him lots of treats. I need to have it on for at least a half hour sometime soon because once my boss sees the behavior this weekend, she's probably going to recommend that I start taking the show on the road. I think I might practice putting it on him in the car so that he doesn't have to wear it for quite so long. But I don't know if I'll have time to do that or not. That might be too many variables.
Anyway, our last Tuesday class was this week and I have only two Thursday and Sunday classes, one of which Mon will get to see this weekend, left before my two weeks off during which I plan to spend a lot time working with both Muggsy and Chubbs. That way, I can get Muggsy ready for the vet and Chubbs ready for an agility class. They have Wednesday night classes at the SPCA in Long Beach if that other trainer doesn't call me back. Won't Joanna love that, commitments three nights a week!
She spent the first three months that Mark and I worked there telling us how we couldn't trust anyone and shouldn't make any friends, and now she's telling me that those first few months were critical and I wasn't friendly enough. She tells me that I should make more of an effort to be friends with my colleagues. But in the last year, I've become fine with not having friends at work and honestly don't know that I want to be friends with anyone I work with except maybe a couple of girls who I do regularly talk to.
Anyway, I turned down the job interview ultimately because I want to wait for the right situation, even if it means staying at a job I don't like. Now on to a more fun topic...
Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 30
June 15, 2005
Muggsy is not thrilled with training. He doesn't want to go back in the training room anymore, so I have to lead him in. But I have been gently forceful with the muzzle and getting it on pretty quickly. He will sit nicely behind the door, but he backs into the corner and sits. I'm not exactly sure how that's going to be fixed at the vet. He'll probably just have to be handled, which isn't the best. But I'm not sure I'll have a good stand command on him yet. I left the muzzle on for several minutes and took him outside for a brisk quick jog, one of his favorite things that I never do because I hate jogging, while he still had it on. Then I brought him in and gave him lots of treats. I need to have it on for at least a half hour sometime soon because once my boss sees the behavior this weekend, she's probably going to recommend that I start taking the show on the road. I think I might practice putting it on him in the car so that he doesn't have to wear it for quite so long. But I don't know if I'll have time to do that or not. That might be too many variables.
Anyway, our last Tuesday class was this week and I have only two Thursday and Sunday classes, one of which Mon will get to see this weekend, left before my two weeks off during which I plan to spend a lot time working with both Muggsy and Chubbs. That way, I can get Muggsy ready for the vet and Chubbs ready for an agility class. They have Wednesday night classes at the SPCA in Long Beach if that other trainer doesn't call me back. Won't Joanna love that, commitments three nights a week!
posted by Rachel at
10:06 PM
2 Comments:
One thing I have always admired about you is your ease with people, and how you have always been so well liked by the people who know you. Joanna is pure evil. I mean, pure evil. Don't let her undermine your confidence.
By
Diana, at 6:56 PM
This is the first time in my life that I ever felt that I wasn't good with people. And tonight, I told that to one of the girls who works at the pet store where I train and she was shocked. So maybe I still have it. :)
By
Rachel, at 9:10 PM
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