The One With the World's Worst Holiday
For those of you overly patriotic folks who take any minor thing as an insult to our country, do not read on. For the rest of you, cue the Grinch music because I am very much the Grinch Who Stole the Fourth of July.
If I could ride into town on a big sleigh pulled by my dogs and take all the fireworks from the city limits, I would absolutely do that. As it is, all I can do is call the police every time someone in my neighborhood shoots them off since it is illegal. Why is it illegal? Well, my friends, we had three inches of rain in Southern California during the last rain year. THREE inches. Do you think that's enough water to stop a fire from wiping out our neighborhood when your explosives land in a yard? Um, no. And will your fireworks land in a yard? Probably considering that in the South Bay there's an average of about six inches between your house and your neighbor's house. So, all of you out there with common sense, do you think it's a good idea to shoot off fireworks during a drought in a neighborhood where houses are literally stacked on top of each other? I'm thinking no. Fire and alcohol -- not a good idea, people.
I wonder if I had had a normal childhood if I would feel differently about holidays. If I had a family that didn't consist of redneck relatives catching the yard on fire every July 4, would I hate the Fourth of July? If Easter didn't include being forced to look for Easter eggs while your parents snickered at you until you were 18, would I still hate Easter? If Christmas didn't involve a day of fighting with family members, would I hate Christmas?
I don't have the answers to any of these questions, but I'll tell you this: alcohol and fire are still a bad idea, and while a person is smart, people are stupid. So I think that no matter what my childhood had been like, I would still hate any holiday that forces my dogs to hide in fear. If someone can explain to me why explosives are an important symbol of our country's independence, I will rethink my attitude. Until then, cue the Grinch music.
If I could ride into town on a big sleigh pulled by my dogs and take all the fireworks from the city limits, I would absolutely do that. As it is, all I can do is call the police every time someone in my neighborhood shoots them off since it is illegal. Why is it illegal? Well, my friends, we had three inches of rain in Southern California during the last rain year. THREE inches. Do you think that's enough water to stop a fire from wiping out our neighborhood when your explosives land in a yard? Um, no. And will your fireworks land in a yard? Probably considering that in the South Bay there's an average of about six inches between your house and your neighbor's house. So, all of you out there with common sense, do you think it's a good idea to shoot off fireworks during a drought in a neighborhood where houses are literally stacked on top of each other? I'm thinking no. Fire and alcohol -- not a good idea, people.
I wonder if I had had a normal childhood if I would feel differently about holidays. If I had a family that didn't consist of redneck relatives catching the yard on fire every July 4, would I hate the Fourth of July? If Easter didn't include being forced to look for Easter eggs while your parents snickered at you until you were 18, would I still hate Easter? If Christmas didn't involve a day of fighting with family members, would I hate Christmas?
I don't have the answers to any of these questions, but I'll tell you this: alcohol and fire are still a bad idea, and while a person is smart, people are stupid. So I think that no matter what my childhood had been like, I would still hate any holiday that forces my dogs to hide in fear. If someone can explain to me why explosives are an important symbol of our country's independence, I will rethink my attitude. Until then, cue the Grinch music.
posted by Rachel at
2:57 PM
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