The One with the Lunches

Since Robby started working, I have been going home for lunch every day. I only get a half hour after travel time, but it's the best part of my day. I sit and eat my lunch with my dogs, they get some extra time to play, and I've been watching Friends. I get a half hour and am doing the marathon one day at a time.

Yesterday was the closure one, and I thought of you. "Over me? When were you ever under me?"

The One with No Kids Allowed

Ever since my fated trip to St. Louis during which I sat next to not one but two screaming and crying children for the entire flight, I have started being more annoyed with children in social situations. As someone who never wants kids, I am constantly irritated with children infecting my daily life. Two parents at the grocery store with two misbehaving children? Hello, can't one of you stay home while the other shops? This even annoys my mom who loves all kids.

I started thinking about how there are places that dogs aren't allowed, and we have special rooms for people who don't like smokers. Why can't we have non-kid flights or non-children rooms in nice restaurants. I mean, there are places you expect to see children. If I go eat at McDonalds, I expect to see children running around like baboons. But if I go to an up-scale sushi bar, I should not be sitting next to a screaming child.

For those who see this as harsh, I have a compromise. I was just discussing this with Monica, who has a wonderful little boy, my God son, who I love to pieces, and I was telling her we should have Good Children Certifications. In dog training, we have a class called the Canine Good Citizen class. At the end of it, the dogs are certified as Canine Good Citizens and are allowed in certain restaurants and beaches and other places most dogs aren't allowed. The dog has to show he can handle certain situations, like being handled by a stranger and not lunging at another dog when he walks by.

Why not have this for parents? To take your kid to certain places, including airplanes, you have to be certified. Can't keep your child from throwing a tantrum and grabbing things off shelves in the grocery store? You have to retake the class. Can't get your child to stop screaming on an airplane? You can't take him on one. They should be able to prove that their child is well-behaved in restaurants and quiet in libraries. They should pay attention to their parents at malls instead of running wild and bumping into people. There will always be places that all children are allowed. But for those places where you'd like to go for a nice, relaxing evening, kids would have to be certified to enter if they're under a certain age. I think this would be a great way for parents to start to realize how their children can inconvenience other people. I've noticed that parents think, 'Oh, they're kids, and they're cute, and if you don't love my kids, you're a bad person.' They have no regard for anyone else. It's ridiculous. This would eliminate that.

The family that sat next to me on the plane had two screaming kids who did not stop screaming the entire flight. The parents sat there saying, "I know, I know. This is hard," placating their children. I didn't once get an apology. No "I'm sorry my kids are being so loud. They're not feeling well." It would have been so simple. But they were completely oblivious to the fact that I was totally miserable for an entire 4-hour flight. As they were leaving, I heard the mom say to the dad, "Well, this was good birth control for her." Yeah. Great. Just what Robby and my mom want to hear -- another reason that I don't ever want to have kids. Thanks, lady. Really.

The One with the Old Friend

Dad got Troi running again. He was out driving around my old best friend. It's funny to think of all the things that happened in that car, all the friends and boyfriends who came and went. All the times that I took her driving late at night because I felt like she was my only friend in the world. I graduated from high school with that car, graduated from college with that car and drove myself to my first job in that car. In fact, I took that car on the vacation that eventually landed me a job at the Morning News, my childhood dream. She was with me for the best summer of my life when I was an intern in Arlington. I took Muggsy home in that car, a passing of the torch to my new best friend who doesn't speak English. When I bought my new Nissan, I cried the whole way home because I finally had a car that was just a car, no personality like the one I had created in Troi when I was a suicidal teenager who just didn't quite fit in. I drove Troi to my first Cowboys game as a season ticket holder, another childhood dream, and finally sent her back to the farm when I moved to California with a perfect boyfriend and three dogs. I have my family now and don't need her. But it's nice to hear that she's running again. She'll always be a piece of me.

"There's a piece of Maria in every song that I sing. And the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings." -- Mrs. Potter's Lullaby Counting Crows

The One Where the Canine Outsmarts Everyone

This blog could also be known as "The Truth about Chubbs."

Ever since I started learning about dog training, I've thought that Chubbs had an alpha dog personality. It's nearly impossible to get him to do something he doesn't want to do, but he never wants to start problems and usually complies. He picks his battles, so to speak. He's never aggressive, but I always thought that of my two dogs, he wasn't the brightest bulb in the box.

I was mistaken. Last night, my boss came over to meet with Muggsy and find out why he keeps attacking Chubbs. I had some suspicions that Chubbs was provoking the fights, but he's so darn cute and innocent looking, I couldn't exactly pinpoint what he was doing to make Muggsy attack. My boss came over to check out the situation and promptly dismissed Muggsy. Surprisingly, this is a Chubbs problem.

Turns out, Chubbs is the alpha dog. He walks around like he's king of the house. And once I challenged him to do some things that he needs to learn to do, I found that he thinks he's king of me as well. He learns tricks remarkably quickly, unless he doesn't want to. Typical man, right?

What's happening is that Chubbs is being submissively dominant, which is like a person being passive aggressive. He placates everyone but takes control by being pushy and doing things he knows he can get away with. This includes tormenting Muggsy with subtle body language I have trouble spotting. Then, Muggsy flashes his teeth because he loses his temper, being the alpha-wannabe that he is, and he gets in trouble. My boss suggested punishing Chubbs when Muggsy loses his temper and see if the problem doesn't go away because Chubbs will stop taunting Muggsy.

I was horrified. I'm doing the same thing to Muggsy that my parents used to do to me. My brother used to needle me incessantly in his subtle ways and when I'd lash out, I'd be punished. I feel terrible.

To taylor Chubbs' behavior, we had to ignore him for 24 hours, which meant creating a barricade around the bed when we went to sleep, and now we have to talk to him only to give him commands. I also have to work on getting him to go to a spot (called stationing). Ignoring was hard, but as my boss pointed out, he's making Muggsy very stressed, and Muggsy has too many issues as it is. We need to focus on anything we can to make his life better. Plus, this will be better for Chubbs in the long run as well. It is very stressful for dogs to be the "leaders of the pack."

Muggsy's next order of business is muzzle training and vet preparation because my boss thinks he needs a blood panel to diagnose a potential thyroid problem. Keep both my babies in your thoughts.

On another note, I taught my first solo dog class last night. It went pretty well, though I feel like a pretty dumb dog trainer by not being able to figure out the dynamics of my own dog. I guess there's always plenty to learn!

The One with the Ex

Well, thank God the dance is over is all I have to say. It just wasn't our year. Not only did we get our heart stomped on when our lovable seniors lost to Bucknell in the first round, but then we have to watch our arch rival, our nemisis, the world's worst ex WIN IT ALL?!? The big kahuna, the grand-daddy of basketball, the NCAA Championship!!! It was a heart-breaking tournament, and a heart-wrenching game. I made my husband go sit in the other room because he seemed to be bad luck. As long as I was watching by myself, Illinois pulled within 7, then 5, then 4 ... then suddenly they couldn't get a shot off in 2 minutes and it was over? Roy Williams and North Carolina had won? I turned it off.

But then, just like you're drawn to stare at a bad car wreck or a big ass, I had to turn it back on. And I started to come around a teeny, tiny bit. Because you don't want that rat bastard ex-boyfriend to succeed, but then when he does, you're just a little bit proud of him. Just a little bit happy for him, glad that he finally got that damn monkey off his back.

I think what stings the MOST, is that Roy won it all in TWO at Carolina. So what does that say about his FIFTEEN at Kansas? That Roy wasn't the choker, but our players? NO WAY! We won't believe it. This win for Roy tarnishes the years of win-at-the-last-second games, incredibly talented seniors and those give-it-your-all walk-ons (Ter-ry Noon-er) that we loved with all our crimson and blue hearts. But maybe it shows that Roy's heart wasn't really in it at KU, that he held something back from us. And that probably hurts the worst, because we gave him our all. We camped out for him. We chanted for him. We gave him some of our best players: Jaque, Jerod, Ryan, Raef, Wayne, Keith, Aaron, Lester ... oh wait. Definitely not Lester.

But at least it's over and Kansas basketball will move on. I'm confident in Self. A new team will be built and we WILL win it all again. It may be 20 years from our last one. But it's coming, and will we ever celebrate ... rock chalk, jayhawk, K U-U-U-U ...

New Graduate

Today, I received notice that I graduated from my Animal Behavior College program. I'm now a certified dog trainer. I guess I'll go celebrate with my old friends at my old hangouts in Lawrence, Kan. Can't wait to see you guys!!