The One Where I Can't Do It!

I like the message board, but I can't figure out how to do it! I typed in the message and it wouldn't add it to the board. That's not cool! So now I'm making a post just to tell you that I can't use your new message board. :) What an idiot.

My job interview isn't until next Wednesday. I got offered another interview, but they were offering a lot less than I make now. I'm going to apply for a couple more jobs tonight.

I muzzled Muggsy up again this morning and took him back to the vet. I thought he would really act out because of how traumatic yesterday was, but he was really good. We didn't go inside, just walked around. I'm hoping this will just help him adjust to the environment. Tomorrow, my boss is going to handle Muggsy while he's behind the door. I'm exhausted. I can't wait until this is over. Kids are hard work.

One more complaint before I send this: Why do people close their minds to what they don't know? I love meeting people who are different than me. It fascinates me when people have different opinions. I can learn from different people. Differences make us special. The great thing about So. Cal. is that everyone is allowed to be different. However, if you don't wear makeup, you're condemned. I guess there are plusses and minuses. :)

The One With the Conspiracy Theory?

"Do you believe in conspiracy theories?"

My favorite co-worker, the Hispanic who battled his background to have a successful career who I admire more than probably anyone I've ever met in my life, asked me that today because he had something on his mind. He enjoys talking to me because I try to keep up on political issues and when I don't know what's going on, I'm happy to listen. We first bonded over our mutual interest in real estate trends. I'm a geek, I know, but I like to be informed. I also haven't used this blog as a means to comment on politics because I don't like to be one of those people who complains about things they don't know that much about -- or when they don't plan to do anything about it but complain. Anyway, I will give an opinion here, but you have to be patient.

So he sent me a link and said he wanted to discuss it with me once I had looked at it. It really freaked me out. I sent it out to a couple of people today who I thought would enjoy it, but I decided to go ahead and post it because Phoebe might find it interesting. Remember when she didn't believe in gravity because lately she'd been feeling more pushed down than pulled? Silly Phoebe.

Anyway, look at this link: http://www.freedomunderground.org/memoryhole/pentagon.php#Main

The belief Gunther has been researching is that the government had enough evidence well in advance to prevent the attack on the twin towers. In fact, it's documented that Bush's brother is the head of security for the company that provides the security for the twin towers. It has also been documented through written statements that 4,000 employees that should have been at work on Sept. 11 were removed from the building. But the government -- our own government -- wanted it to be an attack on *America* instead of an attack on capitalism. So they sent a missile through the Pentagon, in a place where very few would die. This link is pretty hard to argue with, no matter what your position.

I don't want to get into whether or not our government would really do something like that and cover it up. What I think is tragic is that the media hasn't brought any of this to our attention. This has all gone by completely unquestioned. I know I have a lot of disallusioned former and current media friends out there. Didn't you get into reporting to make a difference? OK, I was a sports reporter. The political impacts are minimal. But I studied journalism because it was one of those rare professions where you can really make a difference. Obviously not as much as government or public service or the military, but you could report the news -- tell people the truth, uncover the stories whether good or bad.

This isn't happening anymore. Our government isn't being questioned as it should. Gunther has tape of British officials openly criticizing our government and it not being properly reported in our papers. I can't even watch television news because of how openly biased it is. It's become unpatriotic to criticize the government. Newspapers have to do what they can to keep their advertising -- they're a dying breed. I just feel that we've lost one of our checks and balances.

With all of the things that are happening right now, I think it's a scary time to be an American. We have to become more informed on the issues and make an active effort to be a part of our government.

This will sound silly, but I recently joined an online group that fights unjust pet laws. The group discusses all aspects of politics, however, and it has led me to some other groups, such as a group that keeps us abreast of eminent domain conflicts in our area so we can take action. This won't affect me because I live in a very wealthy area, and L.A. is already over-developed, but it could very well affect those of you in rapidly growing cities like San Antonio, some DFW suburbs, even places like Lawrence. This has really opened my eyes to how we have to band together to fight our rights being taken away because the government certainly isn't protecting us, not that it really ever has.

Anyway, I thought you all might find this interesting. I'd rather talk about that than Muggsy, who lunged and snapped at Robby tonight. I know he had a very stressful day -- and my boss said to expect this behavior for the next week or so -- but it's very frustrating to take a step forward and two steps back. :)

The One with the New Bathroom

In true Monica spirit, Chandler and I spent all weekend redoing our bathroom. I thought it was hideous and I couldn't stand it anymore, so we got to work. I'll post some pictures, if I can figure out how to do that. But before it was green (Rach's favorite color) and still had the nasty shower curtain that the people before us had left! GROSS! SO, we ripped down the "chair rail" which was really just a 2x4 nailed to the middle of the wall, patched the massive mess that resulted, primed and painted the walls a grey-blue-green. I bought new towel racks, etc. and hung this cute shower curtain. I made some curtains for the skinny little windows that I'm quite proud of!

There's still some work to do. It needs a exhaust fan so it's not so damp in there and I have to paint all the trim "cream pie." (Yum!) When it's done, I'll post a picture of that!

Sometimes, I lament that I don't have the money to redo the whole house all at once ... but then what would I do with my time? This is much more fun, spending the whole weekend arguing (bantering, whatever) with Chandler and trying to keep David entertained while getting paint in my hair ... that I STILL can't get out!

The One with the PMS

Only it's post, not pre. Very strange. For example, the little fam and I were out running errands last weekend and we stopped at an Arby's to eat lunch. David picked out our table and it was right next to two older couples. The first couple were problem the children of the second, much older couple. As they were smiling and nodding at David, I noticed the oldest man was probably in his eighties or nineties and was pretty feeble. All of the sudden, my eyes just welled up with tears and I couldn't stop crying! Out of nowhere! Chandler asked me what was wrong and I managed to eek out "I miss my Grandpa."

I don't know if it was seeing David interact with the older man and being sad that he never met Grandpa, or just how feeble the man was, but it just hit me hard! I just couldn't stop crying until we left Arby's! I've gone completely soft. Maybe I need to move to California, tattoo my eyebrows on and harden up. :)

On a lighter note (and maybe I should come up with a less gross title ...), I just had a great time in California last week hanging out with Ross and Rachel. Although I was ill one night and Rach didn't feel so hot the next, it was just good to walk around and laugh and talk together. I just love Ross (and I guess I should since he's like a brother to me? ... :) and think he's the perfect fit for Rachel, as her post a couple of days ago explains beautifully. Now what should I sing at the wedding ... Summer of 69? Or maybe " ... at the Copa, Copa Cabana. It's the hottest spot north of Havanna ... everybody!" Who cares? I'll be wearing some great tennis shoes! And we'll DEFINITELY have lots of dessert, whether we ate our dinner or not!

The One Where Muggsy "Hims" Is Better Than the World

That's a silly song I sing to him. In the Counting Crows fourth cd, "Hard Candy," they have a song that goes, "Maryanne, you're better than the world. They took a lot of time getting it right on this girl." Anyway, I always sing, "Muggsy 'Hims,' you're better than the world. They took a lot of time getting it right on this dog." I always sing it when he's upset, like baths and stuff. Silly, I know.

Anyway, today, I took him into the vet office, and he went perfectly behind the door on the first try with the muzzle on. He freaked out a little when I closed the door on him, but he calmed down. I think he's going to do great. Thursday, Elaine will be there and handle him a little, so we'll see how that goes. But so far, I'm one proud momma.

There will be no more training today. Muggsy has earned a night of relaxation.

The One With the News

Here are some highlights from the last three days:

• I have a job interview with the Orange County Municipal Water District next Wednesday. It's the same job that I have now, but no Joanna, more money and a much longer commute. It would take me farther from my dog training, but I think I could make it work, especially if our move next year was just to Long Beach, which is still in the South Bay.
• We installed a window unit AC this weekend. It was too big for the window, technically, but we finally got it to work. Now we can cool down our house during the day, which is nice.
• My friend at work commented to me about how common plastic surgery has become in L.A. This is interesting. He said he was at a bar the other night and noticed no "average-sized" women walking in. He mentioned it to his wife, who has some sort of doctor's practice. She told him that if you have a Ph.D., you can just take a short course to learn how to do boob jobs. The guy who has an optomology practice across the street from hers was struggling with his business, took the course and now has more business than he can handle. Since they're so common, they're down to $3,000, which you can just put on a credit card. Lots of women are doing it. Isn't that crazy? Stuff like that would never happen in the Midwest.
• I finally have an appointment with an ear specialist this week to tell me why I can't get rid of my earaches. I've been waiting a month for this appointment! Also, it's the end of the fiscal year, so I can collect on my hundreds of dollars of dental bills. Just in time for my next appointment a week from Saturday.

Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 40 June 27, 2005

As I mentioned in my previous post, I took Muggsy to the vet's office today in his muzzle. I didn't want him to be too surprised when I did this tomorrow and it ended in him going in the vet's office and going behind a door. It would be way out of the ordinary since we usually train at night. He did well, and we walked around the outside of the building. I'm not sure what to expect tomorrow since he will be asked to go behind another strange door with another strange person there. I won't have anyone handle him until Thursday, and then it will just be Elaine, who wants to see his progress in the office setting. I'll also make morning visits Wednesday and Friday. We then have another appointment Tuesday afternoon before the appointment Wednesday. It's rapidly approaching.

We also practiced Door! with the muzzle. He's doing so great with that, it's barely worth talking about. Now we're ready to see what happens. This weekend vacation will also be good because it will give us the chance to practice behind yet another door in another strange situation. By the end of this, he'll be a pro. Keep him in your thoughts for the next week. He's going to need all the help he can get. And so am I!

The One With the Dumps

Sorry, everyone, I've been down in the dumps lately. Just the weekend, mostly, for a lot of dumb reasons that I won't go into in any detail in this post. I was just generally depressed. According to my calendar, I only have about a month or two left, so hopefully there won't be too many more of these posts.

I had my first solo private appointment Saturday. It was really nerve-wracking. I'm not sure how it went. I think I was a little scattered, but I gave them some suggestions for working with their dog that they seemed to like. I don't think they want another lesson. They have an 8 1/2 mo. old lab and a 2-year-old boy and can't figure out why it's not working. Let me give you a hint: you don't exercise the teenage lab, who weighs three times as much as your son, and you allow your son to pull his tail and roughhouse with him and then get upset when the lab knocks the little boy over. People are so strange.

Of course, with me being a little in the dumps, Muggsy didn't get the kind of training he should have this week. To my credit, a little, he's excellent at getting the muzzle on now and he's doing Door! well with the new door and the muzzle on. I just should have kept practicing with him so it's muscle memory, even in a scary situation. This morning, though, I got up early and put the muzzle on him in the car and drove him to the vet and took him out to walk around, just so tomorrow when I take him in to practice, it's not too strange. I think I'll probably take him by there every day this week. Then, it will be easier when Wednesday finally comes and we have to go in and stay in the room for 2 1/2 hours. He did very well, though he's really stressed out when we do this. I just keep hoping the more times it happens that bad things don't happen to him, the better he'll feel.

Now, I'm back at work for another long week of hating my job. Wish me luck.

The One With the Other Anniversary

While I'm reminiscing, watching the Spurs win their second title in the last three years reminds me of another anniversary: the two year anniversary of Ross and I becoming friends. Most of you know the story of how we worked together for two years and never really talked before having a conversation at a meeting about both having dogs named Muggsy. He invited me to watch the Spurs-Mavericks in the Western Conference finals, but I didn't get the e-mail until after I had called him and asked him to come to Game 6 with me because I wanted to camp out for tickets. David Robinson was my all-time favorite athlete, and I had never seen him play live. Since he was going to retire and just happened to be playing in Dallas, I figured this was my last chance.

He liked me, but he reminded me a lot of the boyfriend I had recently broken up with, who we'll call Paolo, after three years, and I certainly wasn't ready to put myself through that again. We watched all of the finals together except one game when he was home visiting his family. I remember that he called me on the drive back to ask me if I wanted to watch a movie, and even though I didn't want to date him, I thought that was so sweet. It always makes you feel special when you know someone is thinking about you and wants to spend time with you. I dated around a little, but I always enjoyed spending time with him more than anyone else I hung out with.

The more I got to know him I got to see what really makes him special. He wasn't like Paolo at all. Yes, he was quiet and kind and insecure and didn't have a lot of dating experience, but those in themselves aren't bad traits. He also had things I missed from my first relationship, with Barry -- Barry and Paolo were exact opposites but I needed something in the middle -- he was funny in a silly way and liked to go out and try new things. And he's got a smile that makes me want to melt -- or give him a big hug. He's naive and loving and he had confidence, just not with women. He knew who he was and was secure in that. As soon as I showed interest back, his confidence came full circle. Being around him comforted me. We had so much fun together whatever we were doing. I'd go over to his house to watch a movie -- I never liked anything he picked out -- and I'd end up hanging out until 3 in the morning. As one of my friends put it, there's a reason the two of you always end up together at the end of the night -- you're good together.

It just took me getting over my painful breakup to give him a chance. And, of course, he had to win over Muggsy, which is no easy task. You have to have a little bit of staying power for that job. But when a single mom starts dating again, her boyfriends have to like her children.

I know this has been cheesy, but watching the Spurs win last night reminds of me watching the Spurs win two years ago, when I developed one of the best friendships I've ever had. Those are my favorite memories of Texas, when I started making a new group of friends and found someone very special who I knew would always be a part of my life. I made a lot of new friends in that time span, a lot of whom I still talk to, and it was so fun to just blow off the day and go sit on a patio drinking beer instead of working. That's the one thing about being a reporter -- flexible hours. There was always someone who wanted to do something with me. But the best times were those quiet evenings, usually recovering from a hangover, where Ross and I would just sit and watch a movie and talk all night.

The One With the Big Move

Joanna has been on vacation the last two days, and it's so nice. My stomach feels so much better not having her here to tell me what I'm doing wrong or what's wrong with my personality. However, with two hours left in the day, I can't seem to motivate myself to get to work.

I was thinking about how this month is the year anniversary of my move to California. I remember the finals ending here in L.A. about this time, fortunately with the Lakers and their rapist superstar not rising to victory. Instead, the team with no superstars, the Pistons, coached by former Kansas coach Larry Brown, won. Joanna was trying to form an us-against-them team mentality, and I can remember Mark and I walking around telling everyone that we were Ben and Rasheed -- we came as a team.

My first day on the job, I pull up to my job with a box filled with my diploma, some bobbleheads, a couple boxes of cereal to snack on when I'm hungry and dozens of pictures of my beloved dogs, and a young Asian woman with tatooed eyebrows escorts me up, trying not to laugh at all the stuff I brought. Then I meet Mark, who says, I've heard all about you and couldn't wait to meet you. We had been hired at the same time, and I didn't know it. She started the week before I did, and I hated saying, Nice to meet you, too, but I don't know who you are. The GM who had hired me had just been fired and the Board was in the midst of a huge fight about it. Two Board members had recently been convicted of bribery and would be indicted within the year. Welcome to the water industry.

Here I was, just happy to be freed of the arrogance and close-mindedness of the Texans I was used to dealing with everyday. I had no idea that Southern Californians will eat you alive, if you let them. I've spent a whole year hearing all the things wrong with the way I dress, carry myself and communicate. The funny thing is that the more Joanna tries to change my personality, the more sure I become of who I am. I guess this year has made me a lot stronger. There are a lot of things about myself that I want to change. I'd like to be in better control of my emotions and not lose my temper. I'd like to be more thick-skinned and assertive about things I want. I'd like to be able to tell people what I'm thinking so they can't push me around.

But I've learned that there are a lot of things that I really like about myself that I don't ever want to change. I like it that looks aren't important to me. I think it's great that I'm not shallow. I like that I'm kind and compassionate. I like that even if I may not be PR material I'm not fake. I like that I'm motivated and ambitious, even if it gives me health problems sometimes. I like that I'm passionate about what I do and put a lot of myself into my work. I like that I don't have to make a joke about everything. I think that workplace fun is important, but I also think it's important to take people seriously.

I'm a different person here than I've ever been anywhere else, but I think that's a good thing. It's given me some added insight into my personality.

And though I don't like my job, I'm really glad I moved to California. I hated Texas. I needed to leave there. It was only going to continue to make me unhappy. I made good on a promise I made to myself when I was in the fifth grade. I did it! I was a sports reporter for the paper I always wanted to write for. I lived in the big city when everyone said I couldn't. I had Cowboys season tickets, and I watched one of my childhood heros capture the all-time rushing title. And there was nothing there for me anymore. I made a couple of lifelong friends and met the perfect guy (for me, at least).

I had to find new dreams and new goals. I found dog training, and I have great opportunities here that wouldn't have been open to me in Texas. It was a good thing that I left. But it will be an even better thing when I leave this job for something else! I don't know what it will be yet, but I feel confident that the right opportunity is just around the corner.

The One With the MVP

What can I say -- I love basketball. Once college is over, I start watching NBA. I haven't watched much of it this year because of my dog training keeping me so busy, but this was a great Finals series. I think Larry Brown, the last coach to win a championship at Kansas, said it best when he said these two teams epitomize what is great about this league.

These were two true teams. They play defense, they run solid offenses, they have great ball movement and they practice all the fundamentals. It was the battle of the two best coaches in the NBA. Tim Duncan, probably the best player in the NBA, vs. Ben Wallace, the best defensive player in the NBA. Duncan has endured a lot of criticism this series for not being as dominant as he has been in the past. Critics were saying that he couldn't take over a game, that he didn't have the swagger. It's such a shame that because a player doesn't talk loudly to the media and doesn't make a show under the basket after a monster dunk he doesn't have swagger. He doesn't have it. Yet, in his quiet and patient way, Duncan again took over the game. Throughout the series, despite an ankle injury and plagued by self-doubt, Duncan did more than just put up big numbers in the typical categories. He made big plays. He knew when to take it to the basket and when to kick it back out to the open guard. He played defense and set screens. I enjoy watching a big man get close to the basket and spot an open Manu Ginobli, getting the assist instead of the bucket. I enjoyed watching Duncan set screens for Parker and Ginobli to drive to the basket. He does so many things that people don't recognize, just because he isn't screaming at the referees and throwing flamboyant gestures at his opponents.

Tim Duncan is a great player and an even better person. I think he really stepped up in game 7, even making his free throws, and he deserved that MVP trophy. Call me sentimental, but I love it when the good guy wins.

I did miss part of the game because I was graduating my Torrance class tonight. They were a great class, an older couple with a poodle and a middle-aged woman with a rambunctious Lab. They were both really proud of how far their dogs came, and it always makes me happy when my class is happy. I think this was a successful group.

And onto my own MVP...



Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 36
June 23, 2005

Muggsy continues to excel. Since he was taking his food from me for his evening meal, I got up early and started hand-feeding him breakfast, too. It worked. A guy's gotta eat, right? He's doing brilliant deciphering between stand, sit and down. I'm very proud. I think if he sits now at the vet, I'll be able to get him into a stand.

These entries are getting pretty short because my dog is a rock star. Tonight, I again put the muzzle on in the car, perfect on the first try. I brought him in, no car ride tonight after how stressed he was last night, and went straight to practicing Door! Even with the muzzle on, he was perfect. He went straight to the crack and watched me as Robby closed the door and handled his leg. He didn't look happy, but he handled it. I think he'll do great at the vet.

I guess after this is over, I'm going to have to come up with some more complicated behaviors for Muggsy. Let's see: no biting strangers, no attacking kids, no barking at other dogs... I think there's some room for growth. But he'll always be who he is, and no matter who that is, he can rest assured that he'll have a loving and supporting home.

The One With Day 35

Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 35
June 22, 2005

Muggsy is continuing to excel at Door! He's running straight to the door for his treats and allowing Ross to handle his legs. I think that's great. Either tomorrow or Friday, I will add in the muzzle, though I think he could do this trick without at this point. I just don't want to take any risks.

I put the muzzle on Muggsy in the car again. It was a little more of a struggle today, but I did get it on without him ever showing pre-bite signals. I took him to Best Buy because I needed a printer cartridge and kept the muzzle on him the entire way there, the way back and the entire time we sat in the parking lot waiting for Ross. He was pretty frantic, not only panting but heavily drooling this time. Once we got home, he was safe again, so hopefully, he will calm down in the next few days.

One concern I have is that he's skipping dinner because he doesn't seem to want to train for his dinner. Guess I'm going to have to start getting up a little earlier and making him work for his breakfast, too. He'll have to eat one of those meals! He also needs more exercise. That's a goal of mine to make more time to exercise them. With all the things I'm doing these days, it's hard, but I'm going to try harder to fit it in.

I've had a headache all evening, so I guess I'll head to bed now. Good-night, all.

The One With the Good News

I haven't felt like posting the last couple of days because I've been upset with my job, but I got a piece of good news today. My boss gave me my first private lesson! It's a 3-month-old terrier mix just purchased from an animal shelter. Since they live in the South Bay, my boss has decided that I'm ready. The lesson is two weeks from Sunday!! I think they will probably purchase a package of lessons, which would be great. If I do well with this pup, I'll get more. Then, one day, I won't need a job in corporate America.



Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 34
June 21, 2005

Yesterday, the ante got upped a little as I made an appointment with the behaviorist. I don't know what's going to happen there, but I scheduled three pre-appointments where I can go practice Door! at their establishment. So I have to practice it at home as well. Last night, I did, and Muggsy did fabulous. He took treats from me and let Robby handle his back leg. We've never tried that before, but he was doing really well.

I also practiced putting the muzzle on in my car, in case 2 1/2 hours is too long to have the muzzle on him. Then, if something happens, I have a contingency plan that has been practiced. So I put the muzzle on him in the car, drove him to the vet clinic, which is less than a mile from my house, turned off the car, got out, got back in and drove home. I then removed the muzzle and let him calm down. He was very anxious, panting loudly, but he didn't try to fight the muzzle and sat nicely in the front seat for the duration of the ride.

I can't tell you guys how much I love that dog. I just want to make him better.

The One With the Appointment

Today, I made an appointment to take Muggsy to the vet. It's a lot sooner than I wanted -- July 6 at 10 a.m. This isn't a regular vet; it's a behaviorist. That means I have to fill out an 18-page history about Muggsy, have his medical records sent and then have him evaluated. He'll be in the office for two and a half hours while we discuss treatment and have his blood drawn. The doctor is certified not only in animal medicene but animal behavior problems. They are supposedly the Ph.D. of dog trainers.

This means I have to have Muggsy reliably behind the door and I have to make three practice visits in the next two weeks. My boss said she was really amazed with my progress with him. She said that he clearly trusts me because he went behind the door in a muzzle, like practiced, with no hesitation when I told him to with a new person present. I didn't realize it until today, but she was really happy with my progress. She says I've made leaps and bounds.

But I'm terrified to take Muggsy to the vet. She asked me if that was because I didn't think he was ready or just because I was afraid and to think about it before I answered. I think a lot of it is my insecurity and my maternal instinct to protect him from things I know he'll be afraid of. I think he can do it, of course. He's very smart and a wonderful student. But he now looks to me to protect him and I want him to know that I will always do that. This visit also might mean expensive medications and a stricter training program. My boss is going with me to keep me calm, so that will be very helpful. I've missed a couple days of training because Monica's been in town, but I'm back at it tonight.

The One With All the Training

Boy, do I have a lot of training to talk about. Yesterday, I worked with all three dogs, Fenway on down and down-stay, Chubbs on loose-leash walking, sit-stay and down-stay and Muggsy on down-stay, Door! and muzzle. Fenway did very well when she was by herself. She doesn't like to do downs around my big dogs, but once I got her alone, she did downs and stayed very well. Chubbs is struggling with loose-leash walking around distractions, but he does well otherwise. There were two loose dogs on our walking path and I could not get him to pay attention to me on that block. It was very frustrating. I'm working with him on stays because I want to learn agility with him and my boss told me that I could bring him to classes with me if he could do a good down-stay with a backtie so that he can just relax while I work with my customers. That could be a fun way for him to get some alone time from Muggsy, so I want to work on that. Now, onto Muggsy...




Muggsy's Training Diary, Days 32-33
June 17-18

Yesterday, I worked with muzzle on Muggsy and he was less than excited to have me putting it on, as usual. He did very well though with me being a little forceful. It takes less than a minute now. After I work Door!, I then take him out for a quick jog (I'm in terrible shape and can't go very far), and he seems to really enjoy that. Since Door! has been going so well, we only review that and just spend time keeping the muzzle on. I ended the day just doing some down-stays with him so he can continue to work on his obedience.

Today, my boss came over to see how we were doing with muzzle and Door! I put the muzzle on before she got there because I'm not sure he would let me do it with a new person in the house. She thought Door! was so good that would should be trying it behind a different door. He even did it perfectly with her standing in the room and the muzzle on. So we moved it to the front door in the space before the bookshelf that now stands against his crate. This was much more stressful for him since it was a new situation and a new person. He was huffing and puffing, but he did a couple of good repetitions. My boss said I'm about two weeks away from practicing at the vet. I'm going to call and discuss this with a practioner at the place we chose on Monday. We want to make sure they are receptive to us coming to practice and using our method before we committ the $425 it will cost to get all this done -- plus lab costs. My boss told me not to reward Muggsy when the muzzle came off because then I'm making it seem like the muzzle is such a terrible thing. I had never thought of that and will now switch my method. I had to wait until 5 minutes after she left to remove the muzzle and then pretend it was no big deal and ignore him for awhile. I did all of that and practiced Door! with him again this evening. He did pretty well with the muzzle off and treats coming through the door. Since it's a new door, we have to start from scratch. I hope he gets used to it like the other one. In the meantime, we can now move the dresser back to the bedroom, making room for our new AC when it comes.



Job Search 2005
I applied for two new jobs today, one that's basically the same thing I do but at another water district. I've applied for about 15 jobs now. Hopefully, I'll get one of these. I'm getting really tired of working for Joanna. She did let me leave at 4:30 Friday, but I wasted it by talking to these guys at work I actually like. Who says I'm not social?

I was talking to the guy who finds my life so fascinating because my childhood didn't involve drive-by shootings and gang fights. He was asking me all of these stereotypes from movies he saw about small Midwest towns as a child. The stereotypes were all right on. It was actually very funny. But turns out, he spent his childhood wishing that he was living my life because his was so hard. He'd always wanted to have a porch swing and sit with his grandma and get drunk at the old abandoned house and all that stuff. It's so interesting to me what others think of your life when it's so different from their own. I never thought an intelligent Mexican man would want to live in a small Midwestern town. :) He can't believe I would want to move to L.A. But he did say that I was very brave to do all the things I had done in my life. That made me feel good since he survived a drive-by shooting!

What he did is even more amazing. A Hispanic male has a 38 percent chance of graduating from high school in the United States. When he did it, it was a 27 percent chance. It was a .5 percent chance that he would get his Masters and he did. Most Hispanic males never come that far. Now he has a great job and investments and everything else. What he accomplished is amazing. I don't think we stop and give enough credit to what minorities have to overcome to be successful in this country. It's a tough struggle and those who make it really deserve our respect. Those who aren't as successful as my colleague also deserve our respect. Many of them are struggling to learn a new language and keep a job. That's also impressive. Just my two cents. Good-night!

The One With the Training Success

Not my own training success, unfortunately, but success for one of my clients. I have a poodle in my class owned by an older couple, who I think I have talked about before. They have grown children who just drop into their house with their kids and the standard things we recommend for dogs who jump weren't working. So I was trying to come up with something creative and suggested they keep treats outside their door so their unannounced guests could come in with a treat and lure him into a sit. Today, they came to class and the male said, "You'll never believe this. You told my wife to keep treats outside the door and she started doing that and would you believe he sits now as soon as we walk in the door." Yea!!!!! I was so happy. It's such a great way to get confidence when you spend your entire day getting beaten down by your boss. That made me feel great. So I had to call my dog training boss and tell her how happy I was, too. Then she'll know she hired the right person. :)

I had such a bad day at work. I feel like the people I work with are so negative that it's really draining me. But a group of people has sort of shown up to befriend me. Where I work, we have a Public and Government Affairs Department. Within that, there's a government affairs manager who has been there seven years, an education manager who has been there 10 and Joanna who has been there two. Because the Co-GM doesn't like the GA manager, he gave Joanna much power to spite her. She took another job recently and today was her last day. I just found out that when Mark left, she gave her comforting words, and she did the same for me today. I have sort of become friends with the guy who works for her. He's the guy who grew up in southeast LA seeing drive-by shootings every day and finds me fascinating because I grew up on a farm. He's in his 40s but very easy to talk to because he's upfront and you know you can trust him. I don't know if he mentioned something to the GA manager, but she came to me today and told me not to get beaten down and not to let people push me past my threshhold. She also said not to leave just because I was angry but to leave when the right opportunity came along. It was like she could read my mind. She also told me that I could trust her co-worker as well as the education manager if I needed a friend. Then, the education manager, who is very shy, approached me after Joanna left and told me that if I needed someone to talk to, my secret is safe with him. It was a nice gesture, though I now feel guilty about talking about Joanna behind her back. If she finds out, I can kiss my job good-bye. But it was nice to get support after feeling depressed and negative all day because of how mean my co-workers are. I took an extra 15 minutes for lunch just to hang out with my pups.

And I am having training successes of my own.



Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 31
June 16, 2005

Since I had such a long muzzle session with Muggsy last night, I wanted to do something simple tonight. Plus, I had dog class, and that's a pretty long day for me. But I wanted to work him every day this week since my boss is coming to see him Saturday. I wanted Muggsy to have a short session with the muzzle to make sure he wasn't too scared after last night to put on the muzzle again. He was great. Not only did he walk into the training room, when we were done with our three minute session, he stood at the door, wagging his tail, as if to say, "Are we really done? I can do more." That made me really happy. But you're always supposed to end a training session with them wanting more so I left him hanging. I got the muzzle quickly on and took it quickly off. But I think I might jog him with that on a little more since he seemed to like that so much. Maybe I've finally hit on the key to muzzle enjoyment.

My boss said if she saw me jogging down the street with Muggsy in his muzzle, she'd definitely run away, which reminded me of a funny story from last night. There were a couple of boys with a basketball walking down the street, which is a bad combo for Muggsy and when they saw us coming, they bolted to the other side of the street. My boss couldn't stop laughing. But to appreciate this, you have to know what the muzzle looks like. It's a Silence of the Lambs muzzle, all leather, completely covers the face except for a nose hole at the top and two small mouth holes at the bottom. On a big dog, it's very intimidating. It makes him look like he's killed small children before and needs the mother of all muzzles to protect society. I can just see my dad beaming with pride at the fear it would instill...

The One With the Guilt

Again, I'm so silly. That job that requested my clips asked me for a job interview today, before I had even sent in the clips, and instead of respectfully declining because of the pay cut and increased commute -- both very valid reasons -- I scheduled an interview. I always hate to do things I consider negative when talking to someone. I just want to e-mail. Confrontations are not my specialty. Then, tonight, I sent her a very nice e-mail removing myself from the interview pool for the reasons I just mentioned. And I felt terrible. Really terrible. To the point that I was just ready to crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. I just wish I could be more assertive in those situations. And taking constant criticism from Joanna on how I deal with people -- more of that tonight at my anniversary dinner -- is not helping my confidence. Now I completely overanalyze every social interaction I have.

She spent the first three months that Mark and I worked there telling us how we couldn't trust anyone and shouldn't make any friends, and now she's telling me that those first few months were critical and I wasn't friendly enough. She tells me that I should make more of an effort to be friends with my colleagues. But in the last year, I've become fine with not having friends at work and honestly don't know that I want to be friends with anyone I work with except maybe a couple of girls who I do regularly talk to.

Anyway, I turned down the job interview ultimately because I want to wait for the right situation, even if it means staying at a job I don't like. Now on to a more fun topic...



Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 30
June 15, 2005

Muggsy is not thrilled with training. He doesn't want to go back in the training room anymore, so I have to lead him in. But I have been gently forceful with the muzzle and getting it on pretty quickly. He will sit nicely behind the door, but he backs into the corner and sits. I'm not exactly sure how that's going to be fixed at the vet. He'll probably just have to be handled, which isn't the best. But I'm not sure I'll have a good stand command on him yet. I left the muzzle on for several minutes and took him outside for a brisk quick jog, one of his favorite things that I never do because I hate jogging, while he still had it on. Then I brought him in and gave him lots of treats. I need to have it on for at least a half hour sometime soon because once my boss sees the behavior this weekend, she's probably going to recommend that I start taking the show on the road. I think I might practice putting it on him in the car so that he doesn't have to wear it for quite so long. But I don't know if I'll have time to do that or not. That might be too many variables.

Anyway, our last Tuesday class was this week and I have only two Thursday and Sunday classes, one of which Mon will get to see this weekend, left before my two weeks off during which I plan to spend a lot time working with both Muggsy and Chubbs. That way, I can get Muggsy ready for the vet and Chubbs ready for an agility class. They have Wednesday night classes at the SPCA in Long Beach if that other trainer doesn't call me back. Won't Joanna love that, commitments three nights a week!

The One With the Silliness

"So which do you choose, love or silliness?"
"Well, we do enjoy the silliness. But we also have a soft spot for the love."
"Love is the best medicene."
"That's laughter."
"Why do you do it?"

OK, this has a point. Really. I'm so silly. You know you're not quite over your childhood -- or the depressive phase you thought you were done with -- when you start full-blown crying over a song on the radio. Yes, I started crying today when I heard that "Cat's in the Cradle," song where the Dad doesn't pay enough attention to his son when he's growing up and when his son is grown up and he finally wants a relationship with him, the son doesn't have time. Yes, this song made me cry today because I felt I could relate.

I think I really am a guy, like my former colleague, we'll call her Mark, used to say. Most girls have issues with their mothers. Not me. I have issues with my dad, like every guy should. No shopping, sports and issues with my dad. I've spent my life hoping I wouldn't grow up to be like my father (knowing full well that I would -- and I have) and wishing that I could be more like my mother. ("Greens don't quit!" "Greens? I'm a Tribianni. Tribianni's quit!" "Did I just say Greens don't quit? I've been so busy trying not to turn into my mother that I turned into my father! I did not see this coming.") Yes, I really am Rachel.

Quick update on Muggsy because I had dog class tonight and didn't do any training.



Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 29
June 14, 2005

Today, Muggsy attacked Chubbs. I wasn't here, but Robby said it took place in the front yard, which is where the last one took place. They're more spread out, but they're still happening.

My boss is going to come by Saturday and see what Door! and muzzle look like. I guess it's time to bump it up a notch. She'd like me to get him to the vet to start practicing soon. This is definitely another level.

I contacted an agility trainer today. I want to learn how to teach that, so we'll see how it goes. I think I'm going to take Chubbs and eventually Muggsy through a couple of levels of classes. Can you see my big fuzzy Rottie running an agility course!!! Good times.



Job Search 2005

Today was the one-year anniversary of starting my job at the Districts. When Joanna asked me what my goals were for the upcoming year, I wanted to say -- uh, find a new job. But I didn't. I applied for five more jobs, 12 total, and heard back from one today. But it would be a significant pay cut and longer commute, so I just don't think I'm going to go after it.

I did apply for the perfect job, though. It's for an animal shelter, writing articles and submitting them to magazines. I would love this! It's little pay but you get to keep the money you make selling the articles. I would request to do it part time at first, if the guy is interested, so that I could save money. Eventually, when I build a large dog training clientele, I could do those two jobs full time and make enough money, I think. My two passions -- writing and training. So send me good thoughts on this opportunity.

I love this site. I get to talk about Friends and my pups. Aww.

The One With Day 28

Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 28
June 13, 2005

Today, I had no problems getting the muzzle on Muggsy because I was very forward about putting it on. No more waiting for him. I'm having trouble getting him to come in the training room, also known as my bedroom, now though. It's getting a little ridiculous. I left the muzzle on while I put him behind the door and had him look at me through the crack. He was nervous and fought it a little, but he did very well. I rewarded him and then let him stand behind the door and get some liver. I hope this will become more positive for him. He still likes to sit down behind the door, so I'm going to have to work more on stand. I'm also going to see if I can't start leaving the muzzle on a little longer. He seems so nervous to have it on, but I guess he has to get used to it. He's doing well, but I wish he was happier.

We played out in the yard again today and when our neighbor rode by on his bike with his daughter, I was able to deflect Muggsy's attention and give him treats. He's making a lot of progress with barking at people by the fence. Do I ever think I'll be able to leave him alone in the yard? No. But with management, he is improving. He's a good guy. We'll see what happens.

The One With the Earthquake

I felt my first earthquake today, almost exactly on my year anniversary of living in California. There was an earthquake in Palm Springs, and we had tremors out here in Long Beach, where I was driving to my dog seminar. I was stopped at a light and my car was shaking. I couldn't figure out what was wrong until I got to the seminar and everyone was buzzing about the earthquake. Ross didn't feel it in Redondo.

The dog seminar was excellent. I always learn so much at these things. Most of it isn't really new information to me -- though some of it is -- but each speaker has their own way of presenting it. Pia Silvani had an excellent presentation that really hit home with me. I ordered several of her dog class manuals to start incorporating a few of her class suggestions in my class, especially the quick luring of food treats. After my classes, we find some dogs won't work unless the owner has a treat in their hand. Several trainers had some great suggestions for this, including hiding treats throughout class that the students can grab without having to have their bait pouch on all the time. This stuff is excellent. I plan to use many of the things I learned in this seminar as resources, including the way I treat my own dogs in the home sometimes. This is why these things are always worth the price of admission. It's like college. You can learn a lot from reading books, but there's nothing like seeing videos and hearing the professor talk about the material. Fascinating.

Now, back to my own training project.

Muggsy's Training Diary, Days 26-27
June 11-12

I have been very encouraged by Muggsy's progress recently. I was disappointed last night because it's still taking a long time to put the muzzle on, but I talked to my boss about it and she seemed to think it was fine. So tonight, I got a little more forceful. He didn't show any of the pre-biting signs so I kept pushing. I got it on within a minute or so. I find it encouraging that he's not so stressed that he feels he has to resort to biting when I have the muzzle out. The first time I ever tried to put a muzzle on Muggsy, I almost lost a finger. :)

Door! is awesome. He will stand up as I poke him with a fork and not even flinch as Ross gives him treats. The next step is to do it with no treat, and I'm not sure how well that will go. But it seems that it's time to move to the next level since he's so successful at the current level.

I also taught him to stand, sort of. I hand-fed him dinner yesterday for an extra training opportunity and tried to teach stand. It's hard because most dogs, including my own, are over-treated for sit. So every time they hear a word, they just guess that it's sit. So when I say stand, even just to get him used to the word, he sits. What I did was when he sat, said, uh-uh and moved the treat in front of him a little to lure him into a stand. When he did that, I gave him a big handful of dinner, saying good stand, good stand. It will be awhile before he will be able to distinguish, down, stand, sit and look, his four main training commands, but he'll get there. At least he looks to me for things now. In fact, he's been so encouraged to look at me that many times, like right now, he just lies by me and stares at me.

I also played come game with the dogs today to get them some exercise. Ross stands at one end of the yard and me at the other and take turns calling. It's so funny to watch because Fenway doesn't get it at all at first, Muggsy just sits facing one of us without moving and Chubbs runs back and forth as fast as he can before either of us can either call. It's hilarious. They started to get it toward the end, and even one time, Fenway came hauling toward me before the other two did when I said come. I was so proud that I fed her several treats in a row. She's usually the last to learn something. Of course, I spend a lot more time working with the other two. That's partially because she's the most difficult and partially because I'm a terrible stepmom and focus more on my own dogs. Maybe if Ross took more of an interest, I would, too. But I'll keep working on all of them as often as I can.

I can't believe the weekend is over. I got no rest at all. Guess that's the way it goes when you're a manic Type A who just can't slow down!!

The One With the Training

Boy, there are a lot of ways to spend money. I have several dog books and videos I want to buy and no money. But an even better way to spend money -- or should I say irresistable -- is dog training seminars. I'm going to a Pia Silvani seminar this weekend, where I'm going to learn about dog-dog aggression and puppy classes. These seminars seem to have one heavy day and one light day. That was the way Dunbar was, too. I'm very interested in the topic of dog-dog aggression because she will talk about sibling rivalry, which is a big issue in my house. Muggsy attacks Chubbs when he's frustrated, excited, annoyed... You name it. Chubbs instigates it, of course, but it's still a topic I'd like to learn more about. How to start and run your own puppy class will be more fun. It's something I can't do with my current boss because you can't have puppy classes in a pet store because of all the possible germs and stuff, but when I have my own businesses, I want to do a couple levels of puppy classes. So this will be interesting.

In October, Sue Sternberg, who is an expert on aggression, is having a two-day seminar in L.A. that I have already signed up for. I just found out today, though, that John Rogerson is doing a four day seminar in Long Beach the day after Sue Sternberg. I don't have any money on my credit card right now, but I have to see John. After Dunbar, he's the next best must-see. I think I could learn a lot from seeing him. So I'll have to figure out a way to make that happen, though I'm sure Joanna won't be happy that I'll need more days off. Oh well. Just one of those things.

Continuing on the topic of dog training, I was feeling a little better today, so I'm back at my own training project -- Muggsy.

Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 25
June 10, 2005

Muggsy attacked Chubbs again today, but it wasn't as vicious because we were outside and Chubbs had room to run. We were out in the yard playing and Ross got home, and I think Muggsy was just over-stimulated by all the excitement. I'm sure Chubbs was bullying him as well. He tends to hump Muggsy when his mommy and daddy get home.

Muggsy did well with muzzle and Door! He hestitated to come into the bedroom when I picked up the muzzle and squeezy liver. I guess that's his new stall tactic. However, once in the room, I sat where he couldn't really get past me and got the muzzle on in a pretty short time. I only kept it on for a couple of minutes so he starts to realize that this is not that bad. Door! has changed to have Ross standing in front of the door with the lease and treats while I stand behind Muggsy and pick up his leg a few times and put a fork on it. My boss said he should get used to having metal on his back leg, so that was the best I could come up with.

The progress is very slow, but it's happening. I just have to get him ready by mid-July. The sooner the better, of course.

The One With the Hero

My boss, who we'll call Joanna ("But I couldn't enjoy any of it because Joanna is such a big dull dud"), asked me in our "conference" the other day who my hero was. The answer has always been my grandpa, which is so NOT L.A. I don't admire him because he had lots of money but because he had nothing and he worked hard his whole life for all that he had. I admire him because he had faith and loyally loved my grandma.

But that brings back feelings of sadness that I've been wrestling with for several days now. I haven't quite figured out how to process my feelings about my father's parents. As a child, we had a two-story house with an air vent in the floor. When I opened the air vent, I could hear everything that went on downstairs. Being that I was a budding reporter, I used to eavesdrop frequently as a child. I guess it's a bad habit. But I'd rather know how people feel about me. I heard my little brother telling lies about me and my grandparents, among others, saying some pretty mean things about me. When you're 7 or 8, pretty painful stuff.

There's no real secret that I never really got along with my dad. I've been told I wear my emotions on my sleeve, so I guess everyone knew I didn't like him. As his parents, I guess it makes sense that they didn't like me. They didn't have the most un-biased view, and neither did I. I just felt like he never gave me a chance. He started resenting me before I was even old enough to understand what that word meant, and it continued into my adult life. As a pre-teen, I felt I had to raise my father. I felt like no one else would stand up to him and put him in his place. I guess I designated myself that responsibility, like Muggsy decides to take on a leadership role when he doesn't see anyone else doing it. I think I was a pretty decent mom. I mean, finally, at 47, he's turned into the kind of guy I raised him to be. The only thing he really does now that bothers me is act like he knows more than me. I guess he probably does, but you're talking to the girl who told you to get over yourself when your mom was dying. You're talking to the girl who told you how to reconcile things with your wife. Don't start talking to me like a father now. We've crossed that boundary.

I guess I just wish that his parents would have lived long enough to see me for who I was. I think they would have been proud. At least, I hope they would have.

I also wish my mom's parents would have lived longer. It's a shame that when I think back on my childhood, I don't really miss them that much because I barely remember them. My only real memory of Gram is the time that I told her I started knitting and she seemed so happy because we had something in common. I think I was about 8 or 9. And now I don't even knit anymore.

But I think that as I got older, I would have had more in common with them, just as I have grown to enjoy my mom's family much more than my dad's as I got older. I think they would have been more proud of my accomplishments because college and careers were more important to them. When I was a child, I used to strongly relate to my blue-collar background. I used to embrace my dad's family because I felt they were real. As I grew up, however, my blue-collar friends and relatives began to reject me because I wanted an education and white-collar profession. They always told me that I would get too good for them and wrote me off like I already had. Then, my mom's family became so important to me because they celebrated my accomplishments instead of treating them like they were something to be ashamed of. When hardly anyone from my dad's family showed up to my college graduation, everyone from my mom's family came, throwing me a party that included dinner and gifts. I'll never forget that. That was very, very important to me because it was the first time in a long time that I felt I belonged to a family. I'd like to think that if my mom's parents had lived longer, they would have been a part of that. And maybe they're looking down on me now with more pride than my dad's parents will ever have because they can better understand how successful my accomplishments are.

I paid my way through college, even when everyone told me I'd never make it at a big school. I realized my life's dream at 22. I moved to the other side of the country when that dream got too small. I'm now working on a new dream that I know I will accomplish. Those accomplishments can never be taken away from me, even if I never will hear, "I'm proud of you" from those people that I always tried to please.

Guess it's time to go back to my deathbed. I've been sitting up for way too long. It's all draining now, which is the worst part for me because of all my stomach issues. But I'll be back at it tomorrow. Until then...

The One With the Sick Days

I'm home sick. I hate being sick. I hate calling in sick. I never do it, but I figured that since this was a slow week at work, I should just go ahead and get better instead of trying to be stubborn and make it through. It makes me feel worthless, and the last thing I need when I'm depressed is to sit around all day and dwell on my misery. That's why I keep myself busy.

There is a little good news on that front. My boss has a lesson Sunday in Redondo Beach with a German Shepard pup that she wants me to come to because it's the kind of lesson she wants me to start doing by myself. So that will be fun.

This is the first time I've sat down at the computer since I've been lying on the couch all day. Yuck. I feel like getting up and doing things: writing, working with the dogs, running errands. But I can't. I've also realized that having the windows opened really bothers Muggsy. So I've been keeping them closed and I'm miserably hot. I guess I'm going to go get a window AC once I pay my credit card down a little. Hopefully, I'll be able to find a small one for pretty cheap. I just think it would be better for my baby's sanity. The things we'll do for love.

Probably no training diary for the next couple of days as I recoop. I'll be back to you all soon though. Love you.

The One With the BFF

Today, I saw on E!, which I never watch but I wasn't feeling good today, that in real life Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston are best friends. Isn't that cute? And I got a call from Monica so that was very cool. She sent me a pair of new shoes, which I actually think are cute. I'm going to wear them tomorrow with the purple skirt she bought me for my birthday.



Muggsy's Training Diary, Day 20
June 5, 2005

I'm not sure it's Day 20, but I missed a few days and now I can't remember. So we're calling it Day 20.

Again, trouble with the muzzle. This time, the ignoring wasn't working, so I got a little more pushy. He never tried to bite me and we got the muzzle on after 15 minutes or so. I took it off pretty quickly without making him roam the house in hopes that it would ease his mind a little.

I upped the ante on Door!, having Robby hold the leash and feed the treats through the door while I handled Muggsy's leg. This was less than successful as he didn't want to stand up when the door was closed. With the door partially open, though, he would let me handle him, no problem. Of course, it's me and not a vet. But I guess that's progress. I think I'm going to use dinner time as an opportunity to teach stand on command. Dr. Ian Dunbar, dog trainer extraordinare, says all dogs should have a stand command, but no one ever includes in their training guides how to teach that. That's why I have my boss though. Maybe she'll know.



Job Search 2005

I applied for seven jobs today. Most of them were writing and editing jobs at big companies, doing things like writing manuels or technical documents or researching products and writing catalogs. I also applied for a position at a regional magazine and creating newsletters for a non-profit agency. I guess we'll see what happens.

My boss said I could come in at noon tomorrow, which is very appealing to me, but I decided not to because I don't want to "owe her." I think I'll just work my regular hours so she doesn't have things to throw back in my face later. I absolutely hate it when people do that. If you're only doing it so I'll owe you, don't offer it. I spent my whole life dealing with that from my dad, and I can't handle it. I don't owe you because you did something in kindness, so don't throw it back in my face. If you do, I won't take you up on that kindness next time, thank you very much.

The One With No Training

Sorry. I have been out of blog land for a few days. I also haven't had time to train. I'm just now getting caught up. We had the huge 10th anniversary event that I've been mentioning on Friday, and I've been working non-stop since Thursday afternoon. Then, we had another event today and I had dog-training in the morning.

Bad news first: I still hate my job. I decided to tell my co-worker some of the negative things our boss had said before she left because she came to me asking why our boss was being so unreasonable. I wasn't going to tell her, but she seemed so upset. However, she beat me to the punch and said to me verbatim the things that my boss had said to me about her, only saying that our boss had said those things about ME to HER. Turns out she's been trying to play us off each other, which takes away from my whole "at least she has good intentions" thing. This makes her manipulative. No one who is manipulative has good intentions for anyone but themselves. But it's strange because I still think my boss wants to see me develop and improve. I just think her motives might not be as genuine as I had always thought. So now I'm going to start searching for jobs more seriously. I can't stay at a job that makes me so unhappy.

Good news now: The event went well. I had a great performance, and my boss was very happy with me. Everything turned out well, despite how rocky it was getting there. Dog training is also going well. I'm enjoying my group classes, and my boss is ready for me to start taking on some of the easier private clients. We went to a lesson today with a lab/akita/american bulldog pup who looked just like Muggsy did when he was a pup. It was amazing. I was instantly enamored. His problems were typical puppy problems and they are going to come to my group class. My boss told me that if they call for another private, she is going to have me take it on my own. PRetty exciting! I think all the hard work of tagging along to lessons is paying off because I'm taking on a lot more than the other girl who started the same time I did. Sometimes being Type A pays off, Mom. :)

Anyway, I haven't been working with Muggsy as much as I would like. I know that's terrible, but I've just been exhausted. However, I talked to Elaine about my recent complaints and she said I'm doing everything right. She said the muzzle behavior is probably just an extinction burst. We're ready to move onto the next stage of training in Door! where I handle him behind the door. I hope to try this starting next week.

I guess it's time to go to bed now. I have dog class in the morning and have to work another event tomorrow.

The One with the "Understorm"

Poor Theo is afraid of thunderstorms. Or understorms, as David would say. He shivers and shakes, and he won't let you hold him. That makes him even more nervous for some reason. So he sleeps in the closet of our bedroom all curled up on the floor in the dark. He must have been in some bad storms when he was a stray.

And then poor David! He has some nasty congestion and everything creates a major meltdown. He was watching Book of Pooh on the computer, and I needed to balance the checkbook so I asked him if I could use the computer. This was a minor catastrophe. He cried for his daddy for like 10 minutes. Finally he calmed down, but now he's a huge mess: tears and sweat and snot all over his face! :(

I had all these things planned for this weekend, we were supposed to go to a ballgame with Deb and Ray Ray, but David couldn't go. Then I was going to take him to this Gymboree play class this morning, but he's contagious so I can't let him be around other kids. Then tonight we have a bar-b-q / baby shower for Dede (her baby is due at the end of the month), but I don't want her to get sick from him, so I guess I'll just stop by and drop off my gift ... Oh right, I need to get a gift!

My mom is coming next week, so I have to clean the house so it looks like I've made some progress since the last time they were up. We're going to a wedding in Kentucky. We're driving up: me, J, David and Mom. I'm not actually a big fan of going to weddings. For some reason I don't really like them. Maybe it's the dressing up. On the other hand, I'm so excited for when Rachel gets married, maybe b/c she's my BF. Anyway, this girl sang at my wedding, so I should really go to hers.

Oh one more thing: I had a funny dream last night. I dreamed that I was dating Jed. And he was still the same weight but had grown like a foot so he was super skinny. Then Tammy was there with Wendy and she was mad at me b/c I never call her (as are all my friends, I'm sure). She was also pregnant and looked beautiful. But then 5 minutes later we were sitting on a couch, she was no longer pregnant and she had huge Greek letters tattooed across her chest! Someone analyze that one please!

The One with the Worst Birthday Party EVER

Long time no blog, right? Let me try to catch up with one or two decent ones. I'm no writer that's for sure! And I don't really think you want me to do math on this, right?

Ok, so here's my story: Recently, a good friend of mine turned 27. We'll call this friend "Janice" since Rachel doesn't like her. So Janice was pretty tramatized about this big birthday, that's right ... number 27. But she still planned an outing. Dinner with the girls and then meet everyone out on the Plaza. So we met about six girls out for dinner, myself, another good friend of hers and some girls she works with. Dinner was going well, until one girl didn't show up. This started the bitching and moaning. Now, granted, the girl didn't have a very good excuse. Something like she fell asleep or her cat was sick, but still ... it's not like it's her best friend. And to give the girl props, eventually she showed up. I thought dinner was pretty good, good conversation, good food, the chocolate martini's were flowing ... Janice had 3. The waiter was hot and turns out I knew him! I had taught him back in college, and so I invited him to come out with us later.

On to the bar, and Janice is whining that no one is going to show up, she's never going to meet anyone, her eggs are rotting, etc. One guy she works with shows. We go play pool, this old manager we used to work with hits on her. He's with a girl 10 years younger than him. He's gross.

Suddenly, Janice disappears. The other girl (Kelly) and I wrap up the pool and head back into the other room to see what's going on ... oh, Guy has shown up. That's the name of the guy she likes, Guy. Let's just stop and consider what kind of name that is. Who names their child Guy? Is it like Guy potato chips? Could they not think of a name until he was a teenager and they could refer to him as a guy? I don't get it (not that I'm one to talk about names, but you'll see that I don't like this dude). Now let's talk about what this guy is like. First of all, he's a manger where she works. Probably in his late 30's, starting to thin a little, starting to get a little belly. Pretty much reminds me of the last guy she went out with. How did that end? With him dumping her for a trophy girl he eventually married. Um, where was I? Let's just say I'm not a fan. He and I have already been in one little incident, and I think he's a smooth-talking low-life jackass.

She's mad b/c he's not talking to her. Then she says "Hey aren't you going to say happy birthday?" They have a conversation. He's there for about 30 minutes, then he leaves with another manager to meet some clients who are in from out of town. This is when the crying begins. Oh, have I not mentioned the other girls that are there? That's b/c they SUCK. They sat there like bumps on a log drinking their Miller Lite. Hello? Do I have to keep this sad little party going all by myself? Anyway, once he leaves, the bumps start leaving. Janice starts bawling and says she wants to go home. So ... I did some yelling. Good thing she was drunk and doesn't remember me yelling at her: first that, hello! all these people came out to show you a good time on your b-day and all you care about is that some jackass left? A little insulting! And then I yelled wouldn't you rather know now that he's a jackass as opposed to 3 months from now after you've slept with him ... and to BE LOGICAL! I had no sympathy. So we're sitting out on the curb, she's cyring, I'm yelling. Suddenly she leaves with this sad, naive little girl she works with. I'm so busy being sassy I don't notice till she's all the way up the street. Kelly and I half-heartedly went after her, but she was already on her way home. We try calling her, she just wants to go home. It's 10:30. So we went out by ourselves.

So the moral of the story is don't drink while taking narcotics. I found out the next day that she's on something for ADD that I can't pronounce, let alone spell. I was all prepared to still be hopping mad at her, but she was sane and normal the next day, admitting she acted irrationally and swearing off alcohol and men. That lasted aobut a day. Oh well.

I do hate it that she can't find a man to be happy with. I do hate it that she's depressed. I do not think her eggs have rotted, but what do I know?

The One With the Worst Day Ever

Boy, was today a terrible day. I had a fight with my boss. She can be incredibly hard to deal with at times, and yesterday, I felt she made an unreasonable request. She asked me to go take pictures of these signs by the our water recycling facility that were put up for the anniversary event Friday. She had already told us we were going to have to put in 12 hours, beginning at 6 a.m. Friday, and work late Thursday. I had dog class, and she didn't ask me but told me I was going to do this on my own time, not work time. I told her that I didn't have time and I would do it in the morning and be a little late to work. I live closest to the plant, but it's 10 minutes the opposite way of work, and I thought it was unreasonable for her to ask me to do a personal favor for her on my time. We're going to be at the plant Friday, and she was just excited to see what it looked like. Had it been a crucial piece of getting the anniversary event done, I would have done it.

Needless to say, this made her furious. We had an hour and a half argument today instead of working, which she likes to call "having a talk." She told me that she felt I slapped her in the face and she was extremely disappointed because it was me, of all people, the person she trusts the most. She then proceeded to throw back in my face every time she'd let me off for a doctor's appointment and long lunches, which I use to go to private lessons with my other boss sometimes. Let me just say that I have made up all that time. I also work late every day, arrive early every morning and often skip lunch -- though less lately, which makes her mad. I more than make up those hours. But not to her. She thinks I owe her. "If I tell you to do something, you need to do it."

This then turned into a talk about how she does so much to develop me and I don't realize how much she tries to help me. I defended myself very well, telling her how much I give her and how I felt she was being unreasonable. It lasted forever. I even told her stuff I had been bottling for awhile, like how I had overheard her making fun of me in a way I found inappropriate and how I knew she called me "unreliable" to my other co-worker. I really put a lot of things out there, and I don't think it helped because she never sees her own wrongs.

My co-worker is leaving, so my boss also used this opportunity to tell me how much more she would need me until we found someone to take her place. This means extra hours for me that I won't get paid for. It means more time away from Muggsy and more time that I can't dog train. It means more time that I'm not working on the things I love and am spending time at this job that makes me upset.

After all this, she starts to go on about why she doesn't like my co-worker and is glad she's leaving. So she gave her a pretty shitty assignment for her last two days, which made my co-worker furious, and I was caught in the middle of a pretty vicious cat fight today, both of them confiding in me because they're too passive aggressive to fight each other.

Then, I get home to work with Muggsy, leading me to today's training diary.

Muggsy's Training Diary, Days 17-18
May 31-June 1, 2005

Yesterday, I didn't work Muggsy because I had dog class. Today was not a pleasant return. First of all, he attacked Chubbs today. They were playing and then Muggsy attacked. It was pretty vicious. This is the first time in two-three weeks that this has happened.

Later, in training, he was just refusing to put on the muzzle. It took me almost a half-hour, a record by 20 minutes probably. It was ridiculous. I tried different treats and making it seem like a game and getting serious. Nothing was working. It finally happened, but I was about to lose my cool. I tried ignoring him for awhile so that he was trying to seek my attention instead of the other way around and that finally worked. Sigh. I took it off fairly quickly, which I guess is backing up a little, but I felt it was necessary.

Door! went much better. He's gotten that down, and he gets nervous at first, but he calms down. I bought more of the beef jerky he likes yesterday, and he was happy to take that through cracks in the door. I think he sees this trick as the lesser of two evils. Wait until we have to combine it. Great.

It's like this. By mid-July, he needs to be ready to wear a muzzle behind the door while someone handles him. By the beginning of July, I need to have him at the vet practicing this. That means that the last week of June, I need to do it in front of Elaine. So that means that in three weeks, I need to be able to get the muzzle on him while he goes for a ride in the car, comes back and stands behind the door. By the third week, I should be taking him in the car. By the second week, I should have him comfortable going outside and around the house with the muzzle and coming back to go behind the door. That really only leaves me two weeks to get good at this. It's getting hard. I guess I just have to do the best I can with the hand I'm dealt, just like Muggsy.

He's lucky I love him. I don't think the average pet owner would put in this kind of work into a dog. He's extremely frustrating, especially when I'm depressed. But I adore him, and he makes me happy, and I'm sure we'll be fine.

New Subject -- Baltimore
Here's when you know you've arrived. I drive the exact same car as my boss, the General Manager and one other senior manager. I'm really moving up in the world. I love how fast my V6 speeds up, and I can change my radio station and adjust my volume from my steering wheel. Pretty cool. Just wanted to end on a cheery note.